Sometimes, it seems like almost everyone in Shanghai is here for one thing.  Some fly here on company-paid business class tickets from overseas, some arrive on hard seat train tickets from the fields of Anhui, and some come from the longtan down the street in crisply pressed dress shirts handwashed by their mothers.  What’s the common denominator?  Money.  It makes the world go round, and it brings people from around the world to Shanghai.

In this city of haves and have-nots, the haves flaunt their fortunes with Louis Vuitton handbags, and the have-nots flaunt their aspirations with shanzhai versions (or, in an act of naked striving, painstakingly save for months for the real thing).  Historically known as the Whore of the Orient, Shanghai has always been a place to indulge in luxury and excess.  Who doesn’t want to live la dolce vita?

But what if you reach into your pockets, and find that they aren’t so deep?  Maybe you’re a student, an artist, an English teacher, or you’re just trying to save your Maos for a fabulous holiday.  Never fear - there are ways to capture the decadent essence of Shanghai without going broke.  I tested out seven posh-sounding experiences, all for 200 RMB or less, and deliver the results of this grueling work to you here.

Meditation is one of those things that we hear about all the time in different circles and someone always knows someone who does it and talks about how it is something that changed their life for the better.

My personal journey with meditation probably started over ten years ago when I kept hearing about it from different sources and thought it was something that I should try.  So knowing nothing about it, except the fact that you are supposed to sit in a cross-legged position and maybe say OM a few times while having your hands on your knees I sat down and attempted to meditate.  As you can imagine this did not work!  I was one of those people who kept telling people that it is impossible for me to meditate.  I would say things like “I just can’t do it, my mind is too crazy and is incapable of thinking about anything, but mundane things like what I need to get at the grocery store or “I wish that cute guy in the office would just ask me out on a date already, because it is obvious that we are sole mates”.

Over the past ten years I did attempt meditation on numerous occasions, but always failed, because I lacked the tools I needed to have a successful meditation practice.  I had never actually been told how to meditate!  Obviously there is more to it then just sitting with your eyes closed and thinking about nothing.  I think another factor that stopped me was that I thought everyone who was capable of meditating just sat down on there butt and started and it was so easy for them.  This, I am here to tell you, is a complete urban myth.  It would be like saying that tomorrow I think I might run a marathon with no training at all!  Running a marathon with not training is impossible; meditating with no practice or some kind of instructions is also completely impossible.

Last October I decided to take myself off to Thailand for a holiday.  I know when people mention heading to Thailand we all conjure up images of cocktails at the beach and partying until the early hours of the morning.  That has to be the complete opposite of what my holiday was about!

A little background information before heading into the life-altering holiday that I went on.  When I arrived in Shanghai over three years ago my company shipped me off to humid Guangzhou and while I was there I got incredibly sick with salmonella poisoning!  Not a pleasant experience and I was then chronically ill for 10 months until I flew back to Australia to see my doctor.  Long story short there was an unusual strain of bacteria living inside me which needed an extremely strong course of two different types of antibiotics to kill them off.

So you know how I can’t stand Oprah because of how she is just this random, middle-aged single woman who is always shoving unsolicited advice down people’s throats?  Well as a random, 30-something woman from whom most people know better than to ask romantic counsel, I’m jumping on this advice-giving bandwagon because it seems like a fun place to be.

So…

1. Don’t take it too seriously. It really is like buying a lottery ticket.  Chances are that it will end in a big fat zero.  Which, to be fair, you should consider a win because at least he didn’t try to kill you.  Set your bar of expectation way low and don’t prioritize that first date over anything else.  Really, don’t do it.  Think about it like looking for a needle in a big old pile of other needles.   Better-looking, socially well-adjusted needles.  Which are all already taken so you are left to sort through “The Others” like some creepy parallel universe version of Lost.  Which is how you feel as you trawl through maybeillfindsomeonewhoisntbroken.com and then self-awareness kicks in – belatedly – and you stop and think: “Eek!  Is this what guys are thinking when they are looking at the profiles of people like me?”

Okay ladies as most of you know Shanghai is or can be the land of “Happy Endings” for men who choose to go out looking for this…  “Ni Hao, zhe ge anmo shang dian shi xiao jie de shang dian ma?”  A few simple words the single men of this city need to ask and off they go to a “happy” place, but what about the women?  Being the type of person who lives to please the members of the Shanghai Dolls I have done some research and found somewhere that offers this service!  Yes Shanghai has a happy ending massage for women too!

So the story goes (or so I have heard, cough, cough)…  There is a guy in Shanghai who is now offering this service to the women in the city who are looking for a bit more than their trusty rabbit has been offering.  You will get a two-hour massage and then at the end he will ask you to turn over and he works his magic fingers until you are screaming away with pleasure.

The whole process is very professional and not embarrassing as you may think.  After the massage when you may be feeling a little vulnerable, because you start to realize that you just let a stranger take you places you never imagined he will let you know that he is going off to get some towels to clean off the oil from the massage and give you five minutes to recompose yourself.  After he comes back he gives you a nice facial massage, wipes off the oil and finishes the session by even walking you to the cab!

Since V-day is coming-up, and because I co-own a sex shop here, I thought I'd take the time to talk about what's available in Shanghai and where you can get it. As I'm obviously biased, I welcome you to take my advice with a grain of...MSG.

In the review: Buccone's, Oh! Toys, G-Le, Amy's Bedroom and of course that sex toy market. There are also some recommendations for Valentine's shopping with someone special.

Image credit: krazydad